Monday, March 3, 2008

To Bobby

I've been thinking about you a lot. I've had you on my mind every day since June 15th. Here lately though I just keep thinking about where you would be right now. I keep thinking about what Maggie's doing which makes me wonder what you would be doing. You would have finished your first season as a Marshall football player. You would have looked so good in that green and white. I'm sure you would have been up here watching P Pat playing basketball.Not anymore due to his stress fracture, but you would have been proud of him. He has been doing really well. I watch him all the time and think of you. I know you would have been up at EKU with Maggie. She struggled 1st semester. I know a lot of it had to do with you being gone. But I also think a lot of it had to do with her being so shy. She wanted you to help her. She wanted you to get her into a groove. You would be so proud of her though. She's playing tennis and going out and being social. She's doing good. Mack is getting ready to turn 16. I'm sure you would be helping him with his driving. Although, the two of you would be sharing a car I'm sure. :) As for John, he's such a little version of you. I'm sure the two of you would be playing football together in the yard or in the park. He's got your sense of humor, your love for people.
I keep thinking about the day that you left us. I got to see you in the hospital. I told you that day how much I loved you and how much I needed you. I wasn't kidding about that. At 18, you were such an amazing man. You touched so many people in so many ways. I never knew to what extent until the week of your car wreck. I got to meet a lot of your friends. Some of which I hadn't seen since you all were younger. I can't get over what an amazing group of people you surrounded yourself with. All of which call and talk to Maggie all the time. They treat her like they are her brothers and sisters. She is in good hands.
I know this is really selfish of me but I do still want you here. I want you to be able to come hang out with me like Maggie does. I want you to come play poker with my friends like you did that one time after your football camp. I want to be able to get to know you better now. I missed out on so much of your life because I was in such a hurry to move away. I know that you and I had a special bond. When you were a baby, I always took care of you. Heather always took Maggie because she was more quiet. You were never bad, you were just more energetic. You always wanted to entertain, play and run around. I loved babysitting you. I loved watching you grow up. I loved your personality.
Next month marks a year from the last time I saw you alive. Dad let you take the prowler out for a drive. You and I went. We talked and you drove and we laughed the whole time. I will never forget that because you were so excited. You had wanted to drive that car since you were 15 I think. And on a whim dad said yes. The day you passed he was so happy he let you do that. I told him how much it meant to you.
You will always be in my heart and on my mind. I love you so much and miss you like crazy Bobby.


Leigh said...

You have some beautiful memories of Bobby. Those memories seem to be what keeps us going. Always remember the good times. Very heartfelt post Nikki. HUGS!!

Anne and Leigh said...

What a beautiful blog entry Nikki. You have wonderful memories, always hold them close to you heart, which I am sure you do. I am so glad you and Maggie are getting to spend time together.


Nikki said...

Thanks, and I do. I love every moment I spend with her. She's a great girl and I know she struggles, but she's doing better. I will miss her when she goes back to WV next year. She says she will come visit though.